对我来说，成为母亲最难的事情不再是身体的一部分，因为怀孕结束了，分娩结束了，母乳喂养结束了，在商店里跑来跑去追赶了他们（大部分），但是现在’s the emotional/mental part 那 is the hardest. i get so mad 和 disappointed in myself when i lose my temper at my kids. when they spill or make a mess over 和 over again, when they do something right after i tell them no 和 they do it over 和 over again, when they whine continuously 和 throw tantrums all day long, but mostly, when i try to get all three of us to nap together 和 it takes at least an hour of continuous fidgeting, fighting with each other over the same things everyday(mommy, she has more hair than me!(while i split my hair in half for them to play with), mommy, she keeps taking my blanket! mommy, she keeps starring at me! mommy, she keeps singing, she woke me up!) before they finally fall asleep. and within 那 1-1 1/2 hours i almost fall asleep about 5 times but each time waking up because of their cries/whines/screams, then 那’s when i lose it.
*我的眼睛真的很厌倦在这里看这么多自己的照片…所以这是我的贝贝的一些照片。 They’更令人赏心悦目。 --
Our oldest daughter Adalie did something really sweet today for her little sister, 和 I’我从未如此骄傲过。 像融化人一样，眼泪proud满志。 我觉得第一次做父母的时候，我心想，“哇，实际上，我们在养育有益于社会的好孩子方面做得很好！ 毕竟我们是好父母！” 我一直都知道杰伊是个好父亲，他’比我要耐心得多，但毕竟，我确实给自己一个不那么简陋的父母的功劳。
这是阿迪&安娜与他们的果汁杯。 They are very, very attached to their juice cups 和 have been drinking from it since they were about 10 months old. It’s actually their milk cups, which they drink from it in the morning when they wake up, right before 午睡时间, 和 right before they go to bed. We’ve been trying for about a year to wean them off of their milk cups(they drink water 和 juice just fine with regular cups), but haven’t succeeded yet. We’ve upgraded the milk cups to a bigger size, switched out the suction/nipple part a few times from wear 和 tear, including a couple months ago when Ana bit off the suction part. We told her 那 this was the last time we got her a new juice cup, 和 if she bites off the suction part again, then 那 was it, 和 she would have to start drinking from a regular cup.
Well, tonight as she was drinking milk from her milk cup before bedtime, she bit off the suction part 和 a chunk of it came off. It didn’t just happen from tonight, it was a combination of the past couple months of her chewing it , 和 it had it’s last straw. 它掉下来后，她跑到客厅的角落 devastated, 和 just started bawling. 她好伤心！ Two things she always asks for before napping or going to bed is her milk cup 和 her blankie. She is so attached to those two things, so with 一 of her security item gone, 和 remembering what we said about how we weren’t going to buy her a new 一, her little heart was broken 和 she cried for a good while. Then when she slowly came back to where Jay 和 Adi was, Adi says to her, “AaaannnaaaAAA-!” with the same/reprimanding voice 那 I use, 和 then she quickly says, “你可以用我的吸尘器，安娜。” 杰伊然后对她说：“你要用什么？” 和 she said, “I will just drink from a regular cup so 那 Ana can use mine.”
I was downstairs during this time with my bachelorette GNO, so I heard all this from Jay, after the girls were in bed 和 as Jay 和 I were cleaning the kitchen. And as I was washing the dishes, I felt a gush of tear 和 gratitude 那 we are doing a good job after all. That I’毕竟对母亲来说还算不错。
I had lunch with my friend a few days ago 和 I told her how I thought I would’比我实际做母亲要好得多。 That since my dream occupation since I was 5 years old was to be a mother, 和 I babysat since I was 12 every weekend, 和 nannied a family to 1 year old 和 a 7 year old 两年中的夏季每天晚上8点至5点，我没有’t think it was going to be 那 hard, 和 how I was going to be this amazing stay at home mother. But then my dream came true 和 I didn’不要像我想的那样爱每一刻。 当我第一次感到疲倦成为母亲时，我以为自己是一个可怕的母亲。 那是个保姆’t 那 hard, so I thought being a mother was going to be the same. That I saw all these mothers who said they loved every minute of it, 和 I felt super guilty 和 inadequate 那 I didn’爱它的每一分钟。 That sometimes I just need to get out of the house 和 have some time just for me. To get out with my husband or my girlfriends without the kids, 和 enjoy being myself without worrying/tending to my kids. 首先要像我，而不要先像妈妈。
我朋友也对我说“Me too! 我还以为我会成为更好的母亲！” 并且也和我分享了她的一些故事。
但是我想即使我们没有’不知道做一个母亲有多难。 How challenging 和 self-motivating, selfless of a job it is to be a good mother. How it will test your patience to the maximum 和 stretch your capacity to be a better person in every extreme possible way. And no 一 will ever know just hard it is to be a mother until they actually become 一 themselves.
So tonight I felt assured 和 validated 那 all my work, effort, 和 sacrifice is really paying off. 我有两个非常出色的孩子。
It’s been pretty busy over here lately 和 my mind’到处都是。 All over the place in fact 那 yesterday, I woke up 和 got ready to drop off big sister at preschool with the usual schedule of fixing the girls breakfast, dressing them, doing A’s hair, getting her backpack 和 her school things, 和 I told the girls, “Okay, it’s time to go, go get your shoes on 和 get in the car!” And when I went to go get my shoes on, big sister was already in the car, 和 little sister was putting on her shoes. So we got in the car, 和 dropped big sister off at her preschool. 2 1/2 hours later, little sister 和 I went to pick her up where there’s a drop off/pick up section 和 the teachers open/close the car doors for the kids to get in/out so you don’t have to get out of the car. When we got home, I noticed big sister was barefoot so I asked her where her shoes were, whether she had left them at school 和 she said, “No mom, I didn’穿鞋去学校。”
是的，谈谈感觉像一个坏妈妈！ And it’最近我变得更加混乱，因为我的女孩哭得比平时更多。 They would ask me if they can have some ice-cream or candy 和 when I tell them no, they have the utmost hurt expression in their eyes as they run off crying to their bedroom to sob on their pillows for 20 minutes! Is 那 normal, people? I mean, they’re only 3 和 4, what on earth is going to happen when they reach puberty 和 start their menstrual cycle? Oh, boy!
So today was 一 of those days where I desperately needed many deep breaths 和 clinching my mouth shut to stop me from screaming 和 losing it. Okay, let’s be honest, I did scream 和 lose it once. But I only lost it once out of the 70 times I felt like yelling 和 screaming. So 那’s good, no? 😉
但是，即使他们每天都在考验我的耐心，但我仍然珍惜这些时刻。 （关键词是“在一天结束时”，而不是在发脾气和情绪崩溃期间：） 因为他们所有的东西’不满意或不满意，我可以解决。 因为他们现在遇到的所有问题都可以由我轻松解决。 If they’重新抱怨要更多牛奶，我可以给他们更多牛奶。 If they’对他们5秒钟前穿的公主裙不满意，我可以为他们穿另一件公主裙。 然后又穿上另一件公主裙，直到他们’重新满足（仍然需要20分钟）。 If they’再哭，因为他们可以’t find their mermaid toy or their blankie, 我可以 find it for them. 如果他们’重新感到沮丧，他们可以’不能达到高处，我可以帮助他们。 But I 知道会有一天，当他们’年纪大了，我可以做很多事情’t fix when they’感到悲伤或不满意。 我会喜欢我无法控制的更多事情。 I can’控制好人如何对待我的女孩。 I can’控制他们是否在学校或工作中表现不佳。 I can’无法控制他们与什么样的朋友一起玩。 I can’控制他们的选择’会制造，甚至是错误的。 I can’控制错误决定的后果。 While I will always be there for them to listen 和 to comfort, 和 to remind them how strong, intelligent, 和 important 他们是, 我可以’仅仅用一根冰棍，一个拥抱和一个对嘘声的亲吻就可以解决他们的问题，只需紧紧握住它们并将它们挠痒痒，使他们咯咯笑而忘记了他们只是在哭。
And oh, how I will miss days like today when I could solve all their woes 和 cries. 是的，我珍惜像今天这样的日子。
我最近在跟我说话 neighbor about 我们是否 both wanted to have more kids 和 if so, when 和 she said to me, “i don’不知道我是否想要更多的孩子。 i don’不知道我是否应该再有孩子。 i’我不是一个很好的妈妈，我真的不是！ 我对他们不耐烦，对他们大吼大叫，所以也许’s better 那 我不’t have anymore kids.” and i said to her, “我感觉完全一样！ i don’t know if i’ll be a good mother if i have more kids 因为我’我现在只有两个才勉强成为一个好母亲！” then i thought, if i feel this way 和 i thought i was the only 一 who felt this way, but my next door 邻居 happens to feel the same way, then do all mothers feel this way?
我不’t know why i put myself in 那 situation everyday but everyday i think oh, maybe it’今天会更好，也许他们’ll fall asleep good together today, but no, most of the time it ends up with me losing it 和 yelling 和 一 of them crying before falling asleep. it all started when my oldest daughter said to me 一 day, “mommy? when you get a baby in your belly 和 when the baby comes out of your belly, can i sleep with him? because daddy doesn’不再和我睡了，你不’t sleep with me, 和 ana doesn’t sleep with me. 所以当他从你的肚子里出来时，我能和他一起睡吗？” -while tears are welling up in her eyes since i used to put her in bed by herself 和 then go to ana’的房间和安娜一起睡觉。 所以，是的，从那时起，我一直试图一起睡觉。
i know deep inside making a mess 和 testing out the waters is just part of growing up 和 being a kid, 和 i know i lose it mostly at nap time because i’m super tired 和 delirious but still, at the moment i’m just not patient to remember all of 那. so then i get mad at them, 和 then i immediately get really mad at myself 和 get down on myself 和 think how i’我不是一个好妈妈，我需要变得更耐心，更爱，更温柔，’s a continuous cycle 那 keeps going. 我还不够完善，我’我还不够好，为什么可以’t i always be patient 和 loving 和 soft-spoken? so i keep beating myself up 和 i get sad 和 then i apologize to my kids 和 ask, “will you forgive me?” and no matter what i’ve done, they always nod their head 和 accept my big hug 和 kiss immediately 和 giggle. aw. what angels 他们是. and how 我不’t deserve them.
so 一 day, i was thinking about all of this 和 then a thought came to me. 好吧，我想是一种感觉。 i felt for a moment what 神 felt towards us mothers 和 it was 那 he is grateful. and proud. 我们都是好母亲。 whether we’re working mothers, single mothers, stay at home mothers, 我们是否 breastfeed or bottlefeed, 我们是否 spank or not spank, 我们是否 home school or send them to public schools, 我们是否 are patient or impatient, 我们是否 feed kids cookies 和 milk for breakfast once because you were in a hurry 和 那 was all you could come up with(what? i’ve never done 那, why is 那 the first thing 那 came to my mind? 😉 我们都是好母亲。
我们都是好母亲。 me 和 you.
作为女性，我们很多次都感觉不足（反正为我说话），但是我们足够好。 每个母亲都是好母亲。 no mother is perfect, we are all far from perfect 和 may feel inadequate. but 那’很正常，因为我们不完美！ 如果你没有我会担心你的’t feel inadequate at times 和 thought you were a perfect mother! 适当的定义是“足以满足特定要求”. 如果您爱孩子，那么您就是一个好母亲。 如果您一直努力成为一个更好的母亲，那么您就是一个好母亲。 and i can’t think of anymore things than those two things 那 makes a good mother. so if you love your kids 和 you are continuously trying to be a better mother, then you are a sufficient mother. 足够好的母亲 a wonderful mother. and 神 can’t ask for anymore than 那.
因此，该帖子适用于那里的每个母亲/未来母亲。 you are 一位了不起的母亲。 and 神 is proud of you 和 grateful for you.
*（照片由我的岳父拍摄，2008年圣诞节。 adi was just over a year old 和 i was 6 1/2 months pregnant with ana)
我最喜欢的部分是结局：要么真诚地努力去理解，要么对自己保持坚定。 oh, 和 also: it’需要45分钟才能完成别人需要做的事情15。 SO TRUE!
今天我’我只是筋疲力尽。 i had no time to make the costumes this past weekend because miss little a is pretty sick 和 we were busy taking care of her + slight procrastination(hehe) 和 miss A had her halloween performance at her school today which meant she had to wear her costume 和 i thought about just having her wear 一 of her many princess dresses she has but then i imagined her face 和 how sad 和 disappointed she’我早上告诉她我会’t做服装，所以我从午夜熬到凌晨4点才做她的服装。 和 if you haven’t noticed when i’m tired 我想尽可能地保留我的句子，没有逗号或 periods 和 just say it all out in 一 breathe.
pictures of me 和 my girls at the petting zoo at thanksgiving point.
A.小姐拍照很出色。 她甚至包括她的小女孩’ finger in it. 🙂
所以我没有’很长一段时间里发生了故障。 和 我不’t think it’s 因为我’ve had a lot of alone time or anything like 那. i’m not saying 我不’t get overwhelmed or frustrated, i get plenty of 那, but it goes away after a small moment 我认为 it’都是因为我改变了对母性的看法。 你想听吗？ okay, okay, since you asked! 😉
一 particular day when i was unpacking from 从加利福尼亚旅行，洗衣服（’t as simple as it sounds- sorting, washing, drying, folding, putting away-it takes a LONG time!), cleaning the bathroom 那’s been left uncleaned for two weeks, cleaning the kitchen 和 doing the dishes, 和 many other chores 我心想，‘im so sick 和 tired of doing these 杂务, only to do it again tomorrow 和 every single day after 那 for the rest of my life! i didn’不知道我要当奴隶，女佣，厨师，保姆！’ 然后我想到一个念头。 i think it was 神 reprimanding me for being my whiny self. the thoughts were 那 these aren’t 杂务. nothing but endless, mundane 杂务 那 i thought it was, 他们是 not. they are sacred, 和 very important. these 杂务 make a home, clothe 和 feed my loving husband 和 my wonderful kids, makes them clean, keeps them sanitized, healthy, 和 brings the spirit into the home. 神 cannot dwell in unclean places 和 having a clean, loving home invites the spirit into our home. these 杂务 are vital 和 an important part of motherhood.
我想到了另一个想法，虽然世界永远不会承认 上帝承认，坚强而聪明的人必须成为一个好母亲。 和 那’s all that matters. one 当你获得文凭 高中毕业 上大学并获得学士学位’学位，硕士，博士学位，但是母亲没有从世界上获得任何文凭’的观点，但最终，我们上天堂后会获得文凭。 博士学位需要6+左右 年，但母亲需要 lifetime. i’我不试图降低教育水平或 careers, i myself plan on going 我的孩子上学时回到学校并获得职业 and i think it’s wonderful, i’我只是在说世界珍视和尊重 教育/职业比母亲更重要，上帝没有。 and i think everyone has a different timeline in their lives 和 for some, it’s to get their education 和 work on their careers before/during/after they get married/not married or have children/not have children, 和 if that’s God’s will for them, they will be just as blessed 和 respected in 神’s eyes. everyone is doing the best 那 they can in their circumstance 和 i respect every person’的决定，无论他们与我的选择有多么不同。
so even though yes, these 杂务 will seem like it’ll never end, 和 it’s not fun doing the same things over 和 over again only to start all over the next day, 一 day it will end. my girls will grow up 和 leave for college(oh, 那 breaks my heart thinking about it!), 和 我会想念他们用口红在镜子上画满整个镜子，用指甲油在墙上画画或者撒尿的日子 在沙发上，因为他们太懒了，无法走路去洗手间。 （顺便说一句，都是真实的故事-
因此，当我走进满是烂摊子的房间时，或者看到厨房里水槽里满是脏盘子时， or find my kids drawing/spilling everywhere, i quickly remember 那 this is all an important part of motherhood. 和 not only is it feeding/clothing/raising my children, it’s also teaching 关于耐心，服务，无私， and love. 和 those things are the most important “diplomas” i will ever earn than any other 文凭 i may get in the future.